Learn More About Domestic Violence*

Everyone has experienced disagreements and tension in their relationships. Domestic violence is not a disagreement, an anger management problem or a relationship with ups and downs. It is a pattern of violent behaviors that are used against an intimate partner or child to establish power and control. It is a crime. The behavior generally falls into one or more of the following categories:

Psychological
This can include verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolation, economic control, destruction of personal property and/or using children to manipulate a spouse’s emotions. The silence of the issue often keeps the victim in the violent situation.

Physical
The most obvious form of abuse, physical violence can range anywhere from bruises to murder. It often begins with what is excused as trivial contacts that escalate into more frequent and excessive attacks.

Sexual
Degrading treatment that uses force to obtain sex or perform sexual acts.

Financial
This type of abuse can take on many forms, including the abuser not allowing their partner to get an education or hold a job, insisting that paychecks be turned over to them, control over all family finance or destroying their credit rating.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, socio-economic class, religion, or gender; however 92% of domestic violence victims are female¹. While women are less likely than men to be victims of violent crimes overall, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner².

• 1 in 4 women report being physically assaulted and/or raped by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner or date at some time in their lifetime³.
• A woman is beaten every 15 seconds⁴.
• In 1996, among all female murder victims in the U.S. , 30% were slain by their husbands or boyfriends⁵.
• Domestic violence occurs in 25 - 33% of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender relationships, the same rate for heterosexual relationships⁶.
• 1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner⁷.
• Studies show that child abuse occurs in 30-60% of family violence cases that involve families with children⁸.
• A child’s exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk factor for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next⁹.

The vast majority of men are not violent and want to stop domestic violence because it’s the women in their lives – their mothers, daughters, sisters – who are the victims. As children, men may have been abused themselves, or watched their own fathers use violence to assert or maintain control over their mothers. Domestic violence affects everyone, male or female. It is a human issue!

This is the question most asked, instead of asking why someone batters in the first place. There is a victim-blaming attitude. People who are abused often hear that they must need or like such treatment or they would leave. In reality, someone’s reasons for staying are much more complex:

• Fear that the abuser’s actions may become more violent or even lethal if she attempts to leave. In fact, the most dangerous time for a woman who is battered is when she leaves. In one study, 75% of women killed by their partners were murdered after the relationship ended or as it ends.
• Friends & family may not support her leaving.
• Leaving could mean losing custody of the children, losing financial support and/or experiencing harassment from the abuser at work.
• She may have been cut off from all finances, including holding a job, bank accounts and cash, or have poor credit due to the abuser.
• The relationship is filled with the ups & downs of good times and love, then abuse, intimidation and fear.
• A fear of being “outed”, either for his or her sexual orientation, substance or that their home life is not as "picture perfect" as it may appear to their social group.
• She may have traditional ideas on family and divorce.

A friend may mention “trouble” at home. Or maybe you have seen someone ridicule his or her partner in public. You may have even noticed bruises or other injuries. It can be difficult to decide whether it’s appropriate to intervene. The only way to know for sure if someone is in a domestic violence situation is to ASK. It is not a private issue, it is a crime. Learning how to recognize and react to warning signs may save someone’s life.

Have you observed

• A violent temper?
• Bruises or other injuries with no reasonable explanation?
• Verbal abuse, like degrading or ridiculing in public or putting down the appearance, accomplishments, or actions of the victim.
• Extreme jealousy, like accusations of flirting or having affairs, or of time spent with family and friends?
• Controlling behavior, like setting curfews or making decisions for the victim?
• Isolation or cutting the victim off from friends and family? /li>
• Blaming the victim or others for his or her problems or feelings, or even the abuse itself?
• Sudden mood changes, being loving one minute and abusive the next?

If you or someone you know are in immediate physical danger call 911.

It’s hard to read the statistics and not think about the people in your life – family, friends, and co-workers – who may be in an abusive relationship. The first step to helping anyone is to learn more about domestic violence. A lack of understanding is the greatest obstacle a victim faces in ending the violence in their lives. Whether you are supporting someone in a family violence situation, or in one yourself, you are not alone. There are many local and national service providers and advocates who provide support, education, and safety planning.

Some ways you can help include:

Listen. Let them know that you care and are willing to listen. Never force the issue, instead let them confide in you at their own pace.

Believe what you hear. Don’t judge, doubt, or downplay the abuse.

Find resources. . Help is always one call away with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. They can direct you to local support agencies.

Let them know that the abuse is not their fault. Tell them no one deserves to live with abuse.

Tell them you fear for their safety. Domestic violence is a dangerous living situation for anyone, and one that will escalate over time. Help to develop a safety plan like packing a bag with clothes, social security card, birth certificate, children’s birth and school records, bank books, and other important documents. Also, encourage the victim to put away money for a cab or bus ride.

Support them. No matter what they decide, support their decision. Provide emotional support and positive reinforcement. Emphasize their strengths and let them know that no one deserves abuse.

• Encourage your workplace to implement policies protecting and assisting employee victims of domestic violence.
• Support local shelters and national advocacy organizations through volunteering, donations, and fundraising.
• Post emergency numbers in public places in your community and workplace.
• Write letters to editors or government representatives about particular crimes or sentences for violent offenders you feel are not adequate.
• Increase awareness of family violence by sharing what you have learned with others.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
NCADV is a grassroots membership organization providing technical assistance, networking, and support to programs and state coalitions serving battered women and their children. It also provides information and referrals to the general public and the media.

website www.ncadv.org
Ph: 303-839-1852

National Domestic Violence Hotline
Staff provide callers with crisis intervention, information about domestic violence, and referrals to local programs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Telephone assistance is available in many languages, including Spanish.

Website: www.ndvh.org
Ph: 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
TTY: 1-800-787-3223

Family Violence and Sexual Assault Institute
The Institute provides information on many areas of family violence. Its website offers a news desk and prevention toolkits and information on FVPF’s programs and services in public education, child welfare, immigration, public health, and criminal justice.

Website: wwww.fvsai.org

Institute on Domestic Violence in the African-American Community
This organization provides leadership to end/reduce domestic violence in the African-American community. The site features newsletters, hotline numbers, information about advocate forums, and other print and electronic resources.

Website: www.dvinstitute.org
Ph: 612-624-5357

National Latino Alliance for the Elimination of Domestic Violence (the Alianza)
The Alianza, a group of nationally recognized Latina and Latino advocates, community activists, practitioners, researchers, and survivors of domestic violence, works to eliminate domestic violence from Latino communities through research, public policy, training and technical assistance, and community education and development.

Website: www.dvalianza.org
Ph: 646-672-1404

Communities United Against Violence
Community United Against Violence (CUAV) is a 20-year old multicultural organization working to end violence against and within lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer/questioning (LGBTQ) communities. CUAV offers a 24-hour confidential, multilingual support line, free counseling, legal advocacy, and emergency assistance to survivors of domestic violence, hate violence, and sexual assault.

Website: www.cuav.org
Ph: 415-333-HELP (415-333-4357)

¹ Violence Against Women, Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Department of Justice, January, 1994

² Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998

³ National Domestic Violence Survey, The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and The National Institute of Justice , Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, July 2000

⁴ 4 Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1991

⁵ Uniform Crime Reports of the U.S. 1996, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1996

⁶ Annual Report on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Domestic Violence Released October 6, 1998 by The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP)

⁷ Jay G. Silverman, PhD; Anita Raj, PhD; Lorelei A. Mucci, MPH; and Je ann e E. Hathaway, MD, MPH, “Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality,” Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, No. 5, 2001

⁸ “The Overlap Between Child Maltreatment and Woman Battering.” J.L. Edleson, Violence Against Women, February, 1999

⁹ Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family, APA, 1996

* Source: www.thebodyshop.com